Choosing surrogacy to build your family is a monumental decision, one that brings immense joy but also requires careful preparation. It’s an emotional, financial, and legal journey that can feel overwhelming at times. But with the right guidance, a well-structured plan, and a supportive team, the process can be smooth and fulfilling.
This guide will walk you through every aspect of surrogacy, giving you the clarity and confidence you need to take your first steps toward parenthood.
Understanding Surrogacy
What is Surrogacy?
Surrogacy is a process in which a woman, known as a surrogate, carries a pregnancy for intended parents who are unable to do so themselves. There are two main types of surrogacy: traditional surrogacy and gestational surrogacy.
Traditional surrogacy involves the surrogate using her own egg, making her the biological mother of the child. While this method was more common in the past, it is now rare due to the legal and emotional complications it can create. Today, the vast majority of intended parents choose gestational surrogacy, where the surrogate has no genetic link to the baby.
Instead, an embryo is created through in vitro fertilization (IVF) using either the intended parents’ or donors’ genetic material. This embryo is then transferred into the surrogate’s uterus, allowing her to carry the pregnancy to term. Because gestational surrogacy ensures a clear distinction between the surrogate and the biological mother, it provides greater legal security and peace of mind for everyone involved.
Surrogacy Process Overview
The surrogacy process typically takes between 12 to 24 months, depending on how long it takes to match with a surrogate, complete legal requirements, and successfully implant an embryo. Once intended parents have chosen a surrogacy agency, they are matched with a surrogate, which can take several months depending on preferences and availability.
After the match, both the intended parents and the surrogate undergo medical and psychological screenings to ensure they are physically and emotionally ready. Once all parties are cleared, legal contracts are drafted and signed to outline every aspect of the agreement.
The next phase involves embryo transfer through IVF, followed by the pregnancy itself, which requires ongoing medical monitoring and regular updates between the surrogate and the intended parents. Finally, after birth, legal procedures may be required to confirm the intended parents’ legal rights to the child, depending on local laws.
Legal Considerations in Surrogacy
One of the most critical aspects of surrogacy is ensuring that all legal matters are properly handled. Laws vary significantly by state and country, which is why it is essential to understand how surrogacy laws work in your location before beginning the process.
In the United States, surrogacy laws are not federally regulated but instead vary from state to state. Some states, like California, are extremely surrogacy-friendly and allow intended parents to obtain pre-birth orders, which legally establish their parental rights before the baby is born. In contrast, other states impose strict restrictions on surrogacy, while a few even prohibit it altogether. It is crucial to work with a surrogacy attorney who specializes in reproductive law to navigate these legal complexities.
A surrogacy contract is a legally binding agreement that outlines every aspect of the arrangement. This document specifies the surrogate’s compensation, medical decision-making authority, and the responsibilities of both parties. It also includes agreements on pregnancy-related expectations, such as dietary guidelines, prenatal care, and restrictions on certain activities. Additionally, the contract details what happens in case of unexpected complications, such as medical emergencies, multiple pregnancies, or early delivery.
Beyond the contract, intended parents must also ensure that they are legally recognized as the child’s parents. In many cases, a pre-birth order can be obtained, which automatically grants them legal parentage. However, in some jurisdictions, post-birth adoption may be required to finalize parental rights. Since these laws are location-dependent, seeking expert legal guidance is essential to avoid any complications after the birth.
Choosing the Right Surrogacy Agency
Selecting the right surrogacy agency is one of the most important steps in the process, as this organization will guide you through everything from matching with a surrogate to handling the legal, medical, and emotional aspects of the journey. Since surrogacy is a complex process, having an experienced agency to provide support can make all the difference.
When researching agencies, it is essential to evaluate their experience, reputation, and success rates. A trustworthy agency should have a well-defined screening process for surrogates, ensuring that candidates are physically, emotionally, and financially stable before being accepted into the program. Transparency is also key, and agencies should provide a clear breakdown of costs so that intended parents understand all financial obligations upfront.
Questions to Ask the Agency
Before choosing an agency, it is important to ask the right questions. For example, intended parents should inquire about how the agency selects and screens surrogates and what kind of support is provided throughout the pregnancy. It is also helpful to ask about medical coordination, particularly regarding the IVF process and pregnancy monitoring. Additionally, intended parents should understand what happens if an embryo transfer fails, as some agencies include multiple attempts in their package, while others charge extra.
Understanding the total surrogacy costs involved is another essential factor. Many intended parents assume that the initial estimate covers everything, only to realize later that there are additional fees for legal services, insurance, or unexpected medical needs. Asking for a fully detailed financial breakdown can prevent unpleasant surprises later on.
Communication with the Surrogate
A good agency should also facilitate communication between the intended parents and the surrogate, helping to establish a relationship built on trust and mutual respect. Some intended parents prefer regular updates and direct involvement in medical appointments, while others prefer to take a more hands-off approach. Clarifying these preferences early on can help ensure a positive experience for everyone involved.
Ultimately, the right surrogacy agency should offer comprehensive support, clear communication, and a commitment to ethical and responsible practices. Taking the time to research and ask detailed questions to surrogacy agencies will help intended parents feel confident in their choice.
Financial Planning for Surrogacy
Understanding the Costs
Surrogacy is a major financial investment, with costs typically ranging from $100,000 to $200,000 in the United States. The total amount depends on agency fees, surrogate compensation, medical procedures, legal expenses, and additional costs such as insurance and travel. Understanding these costs in detail and planning accordingly is essential for a smooth journey.
One of the most significant expenses is surrogate compensation, which generally ranges from $40,000 to $60,000, though experienced surrogates or those in high-demand locations may receive higher payments. Medical expenses also represent a substantial portion of the budget, covering IVF procedures, embryo transfers, prenatal care, and delivery costs. If multiple embryo transfers are required, the total cost can increase significantly.
Budgeting and Financial Strategies
Legal fees are another important consideration, as intended parents will need to draft contracts, establish parental rights, and navigate any state-specific legal requirements. Additionally, many surrogates require specialized insurance plans, which can be expensive if their existing health insurance does not cover surrogacy.
To manage these costs, intended parents often explore financing options and surrogacy loans with payment plans offered by fertility clinics and surrogacy agencies. Many also set up escrow accounts, which provide a secure way to manage payments throughout the journey. Planning ahead financially can help reduce stress and allow intended parents to focus on the emotional and practical aspects of the surrogacy experience.
Emotional and Psychological Preparation
Managing Expectations
Surrogacy is an emotional journey with highs and lows. While it is exciting, it also comes with waiting periods, medical uncertainties, and logistical challenges.
It’s important to acknowledge that surrogacy is not always a straightforward process. Embryo transfers may not always be successful on the first attempt, pregnancies can come with unexpected medical concerns, and navigating the legal system can sometimes feel overwhelming. Recognizing these potential hurdles in advance can help you stay emotionally resilient and navigate the process with patience and clarity.
Building a Support System
Having a strong support network is essential. Many intended parents find comfort in counseling, support groups, and connecting with others who have gone through surrogacy. You may also consider working with a fertility counselor who specializes in the emotional aspects of assisted reproduction.
Surrounding yourself with supportive friends and family can make a huge difference in navigating the journey with confidence. If you’re interested in joining a support group for intended parents, consider reaching out to agencies or online communities that focus on emotional well-being during surrogacy.
Establishing Clear Expectations and Communication
Every surrogacy relationship is unique, and it’s important to start by reflecting on the kind of connection you’d like to build with your surrogate. Some intended parents prefer a closer bond, enjoying frequent updates, casual conversations, and attending medical appointments together. Others choose a more structured, professional relationship with clear boundaries. Remember, there’s no right or wrong choice, what matters most is aligning expectations openly and honestly from the start, ideally with the support and guidance of your surrogacy agency.
Once you’ve clarified the type of relationship you envision, it’s helpful to discuss specific communication details. This means deciding together on how often you’ll check in, what type of updates you’ll receive (such as ultrasound images, medical news, or simply how she’s feeling), and the most comfortable ways to communicate, whether that’s through regular video calls, quick text messages, or scheduled check-ins facilitated by your agency. Clear boundaries, agreed upon in advance, help ensure that everyone involved feels respected, comfortable, and at ease throughout the journey.
Participating in the Journey
Throughout the pregnancy, your surrogate undertakes a very special and emotionally significant role. Showing genuine appreciation can enhance your relationship and foster a meaningful bond. Simple gestures, such as occasional heartfelt messages, small thoughtful gifts, or gentle expressions of gratitude, can let your surrogate know she’s truly valued. However, it’s also essential to respect her emotional space. Being available and attentive without placing pressure on her to share personal details ensures she feels comfortable, respected, and genuinely supported
Being involved in key pregnancy milestones can create lasting memories and deepen your connection. If it’s comfortable for everyone involved, attending important appointments like ultrasounds or planning together for the birth can make your journey feel more real and fulfilling. It’s crucial to coordinate these moments carefully, making sure your surrogate feels at ease with your level of involvement. Additionally, preparing thoughtfully for the transition after birth, the moment when your surrogate gently “passes the torch” to you as parents, can ensure this significant moment feels positive, respectful, and rewarding for everyone.
If you want to learn more about how surrogates and intended parents navigate their connection, you can explore our guide on what makes a successful surrogate-intended parent relationship.
Choosing Surrogacy by Faith
For those seeking a compassionate, faith-based approach, Surrogacy by Faith offers expert guidance and personalized support throughout the journey. Their team provides legal, medical, and emotional assistance, ensuring a smooth and ethical surrogacy experience.
To begin your journey, you can fill out the Intended Parents Form, while those considering becoming a surrogate can explore the Surrogate Application Form.