Becoming a surrogate is one of the most generous and life-changing decisions a person can make. By helping intended parents who may not be able to carry a child themselves, surrogates play a crucial role in building families. The surrogacy process is rewarding, but it also requires a deep commitment—physically, emotionally, and legally.
If you’re considering becoming a surrogate, this guide will walk you through everything you need to know about the process, from the initial self-reflection to giving birth and beyond.
What Is a Surrogate?
Before diving into the details, it’s important to understand the two types of surrogacy:
Gestational Surrogacy
In this type of surrogacy, the surrogate carries a baby conceived through in vitro fertilization (IVF) using the egg of the intended mother or a donor and the sperm of the intended father or a donor. The surrogate has no biological relationship to the baby.
Traditional Surrogacy
In this case, the surrogate’s own egg is fertilized by the intended father’s sperm or a donor’s sperm, meaning the surrogate is genetically related to the baby. Traditional surrogacy is less common due to the complex legal and emotional factors involved.
Now that we’ve covered the basics, let’s explore how to become a surrogate.
Step-by-Step Process of Becoming a Surrogate
1. Research and Self-Reflection
The first step in becoming a surrogate is understanding what the role entails and reflecting on your reasons for pursuing this journey. Surrogacy requires a significant emotional, physical, and time commitment, and it’s important to be certain that you’re ready for the challenges and rewards it brings.
Ask yourself: Why do I want to become a surrogate? Am I emotionally prepared to carry a baby for another family? Do I have the support of my loved ones throughout this process? Am I ready for the physical demands of pregnancy again?
Doing thorough research on surrogacy and understanding the expectations involved is essential before proceeding.
2. Meeting Basic Requirements
To become a surrogate, there are several basic requirements that you’ll need to meet. While these can vary depending on the agency or country, some common prerequisites include:
- Age: Most surrogacy agencies require surrogates to be between 21 and 40 years old, although this can vary from state to state or from agency to agency.
- Health: You should be in good physical health with a healthy BMI (body mass index) and no significant medical complications. Smoking, drinking, and drug use will eliminate your chances of becoming a surrogate.
- Previous Healthy Pregnancies: You need to have carried at least one child to term with no complications during pregnancy or delivery.
- Stable Home Environment: Surrogates must be in a stable living situation and free from substance abuse. They must also have a supportive partner and family that will be understanding and helpful throughout the process.
Additionally, you’ll need to undergo a medical and psychological evaluation to ensure that you’re a good fit for the surrogacy process.
3. Choosing an Agency vs. Independent Surrogacy
Once you’ve made the decision to become a surrogate and meet the requirements, the next step is deciding whether you want to work with a surrogacy agency or pursue independent surrogacy.
Working with an Agency
Agencies provide matching services to help connect surrogates with intended parents. They also handle much of the logistics, including legal contracts, compensation, and medical coordination. For first-time surrogates, agencies can offer more guidance and support.
Independent Surrogacy
If you choose to go the independent route, you’ll be responsible for finding intended parents, working with lawyers, and navigating the process without the assistance of an agency. Independent surrogacy can offer more autonomy, independent surrogacy can be more complex and time-consuming.
4. The Screening Process
Before being matched with intended parents, you’ll need to go through a comprehensive screening process with a surrogacy clinic. This ensures that you’re physically and emotionally prepared to be a surrogate and that the surrogacy journey will be safe and successful for all involved.
Physical Health Screenings
Doctors will review your medical history, perform a physical exam, and conduct lab tests to ensure that you’re healthy enough to carry a pregnancy.
Psychological Assessments
You’ll also meet with a mental health professional to ensure you’re emotionally prepared for the surrogacy experience. This evaluation helps you and the intended parents feel confident in the process.
Background Checks
Surrogates often undergo background checks to ensure they have a stable and safe environment for the surrogacy journey.
5. Legal Requirements for Surrogates
Surrogacy is a legally complex process, and it’s crucial to have proper legal agreements in place to protect both the surrogate and the intended parents. You’ll need to work with a surrogacy attorney to draft and sign a contract that outlines the expectations, rights, and obligations of both parties.
Common components of a surrogacy contract include compensation details, health and medical care responsibilities, decisions regarding the baby’s birth, plans for parentage after delivery, and expectations during and after the pregnancy.
A strong legal foundation helps ensure that everyone is on the same page and that the surrogate is supported throughout the process. This is also helpful for those in both surrogacy-friendly states and those who are not, as the laws can differ.
6. The Medical Process of Surrogacy
For gestational surrogates, the medical process involves preparation for in vitro fertilization (IVF) and embryo transfer. After the legal contract is signed, the surrogate will start a series of fertility treatments to prepare her body for pregnancy.
IVF and Embryo Transfer
The intended parents’ embryo is created through IVF and then transferred to the surrogate’s uterus, a process which is called embryo transfer. The surrogate will undergo regular medical monitoring to ensure the pregnancy progresses smoothly.
Pregnancy Monitoring
Once the embryo transfer is successful, the surrogate will have regular prenatal checkups, just like in a traditional pregnancy, with additional visits to ensure that both she and the baby remain healthy.
7. Support and Counseling for Surrogates
Emotional support is vital throughout the surrogacy process. Many agencies offer counseling services to help surrogates navigate the complex emotions that may arise. Having a strong support system, including family, friends, and professional counselors, is essential.
Support groups, whether online or in person, can provide valuable resources and a sense of community for surrogates going through similar experiences.
8. Compensation and Benefits
In most cases, surrogates receive compensation for their time, effort, and medical expenses. Compensation packages can vary based on location, surrogacy laws, and the agreement between the surrogate and intended parents. It typically covers base compensation, medical expenses, travel cost for appointments, legal fees, and additional compensation for complications, if applicable.
Compensation is typically divided into installments throughout the pregnancy, with the full amount paid after successful delivery.
9. The Experience of Giving Birth as a Surrogate
The birth of the baby is an emotional and joyful moment for both the surrogate and the intended parents. Many surrogates describe the birth experience as incredibly fulfilling, knowing they’ve helped a family achieve their dream.
It’s important to prepare for the emotions that may arise during this time. While most surrogates feel joy and pride in helping the intended parents, it’s also normal to experience a mix of emotions. Many surrogates remain connected with the families they’ve helped, though the level of contact is determined by both parties.
10. Life After Surrogacy
After delivery, surrogates go through a recovery process similar to any postpartum experience. Surrogates often describe a deep sense of fulfillment and pride in knowing they’ve helped create a family.
The emotional bond with the intended parents may continue after birth, but it’s up to both parties to decide how much contact they want to maintain. Some surrogates go on to pursue multiple surrogacy journeys, while others reflect on their experience and cherish the memories of helping one family.
Frequently Asked Question about Becoming a Surrogate
How do I apply to be a surrogate?
The process starts by filling out an application with a surrogacy agency, where they’ll review your medical history and background. After that, you’ll go through a medical and psychological evaluation. Once approved, you’ll be matched with intended parents, and legal contracts will be drawn up before the medical procedures begin.
Can I be a surrogate if I had complications with previous pregnancies?
If you’ve had complications in past pregnancies, it doesn’t automatically disqualify you from being a surrogate. Each case is reviewed individually. Some complications, such as mild gestational diabetes or high blood pressure, may not prevent you from qualifying. However, more serious complications like preeclampsia or preterm labor might be concerning. A thorough medical evaluation by fertility specialists will determine if surrogacy is safe for you.
What kind of support will I receive throughout the surrogacy process?
As a surrogate, you’ll receive comprehensive support from the surrogacy agency and medical team. This includes regular health check-ups, psychological counseling, and legal guidance to ensure that both your well-being and the intended parents’ rights are protected. Some agencies also offer support groups for surrogates, where you can connect with others going through the same experience.
Can I choose the intended parents to work with?
Yes, you’ll have the chance to review profiles of intended parents and meet with them before making a decision. The relationship must be mutually agreed upon, meaning both you and the intended parents will need to feel comfortable working together. This selection process ensures that your values and expectations align.
What expenses will be covered?
Most of your expenses related to the surrogacy will be covered by the intended parents. This typically includes medical expenses (appointments, medications, delivery), legal fees, insurance, and travel costs if required. Some agencies also provide a monthly allowance for pregnancy-related expenses, such as maternity clothes or childcare. Make sure to review the compensation package before agreeing to become a surrogate.
Can I be a surrogate more than once?
Yes, many women choose to be surrogates multiple times. As long as you meet the health criteria and have successfully completed a prior surrogacy journey without major complications, you may be eligible to do it again. Some women find the experience so rewarding that they help several families over the years. Each time, a medical evaluation is done to ensure you are still physically able to carry another pregnancy.
Will I have to give up work during pregnancy?
In most cases, surrogates can continue working during their pregnancy. However, if your job involves heavy physical labor or if your pregnancy requires bed rest, you might need to take time off. It’s important to talk with your doctor about your specific situation and follow any guidelines they provide for a safe pregnancy. Some surrogacy contracts also include compensation for lost wages if you need to take time off for medical reasons.
Can I become a surrogate if I live in a state with restrictive surrogacy laws?
Surrogacy laws vary by state, and in some states, commercial surrogacy may be restricted or not allowed. If you live in a state with restrictive laws, you can still work with an agency that operates in surrogacy-friendly states. They will guide you through the process of navigating legal requirements, which may include delivering the baby in a different state or working with intended parents from another location.
Are there risks of becoming emotionally attached to the baby?
It’s natural to feel a bond during pregnancy, but surrogates are carefully prepared for the emotional aspects of surrogacy. You’ll know from the beginning that the baby is not yours, and counseling is available to help manage any complex feelings that arise. Many surrogates maintain contact with the intended parents after the birth, which can help create a sense of closure and satisfaction knowing you’ve helped a family grow.
The Rewarding Journey of Becoming a Surrogate
Becoming a surrogate is a beautiful and rewarding way to help others experience the joy of parenthood. While the journey can be physically and emotionally demanding, the reward of seeing a family’s dream come true is immeasurable.If you’re considering becoming a surrogate, take time to reflect on your motivations, research the process, and connect with agencies or professionals who can support you every step of the way. By giving the gift of life, you’ll be making a lasting impact on another family and creating a bond that can last a lifetime.
Surrogacy By Faith is here to help. We work with our clients to craft unique, personalized routes through the surrogacy process. Whether you’re considering giving the gift of life and becoming a surrogate, or if you’re an intended parent ready to start the process, fill out either a surrogate initial inquiry or an intended parent or parents initial inquiry to establish contact. We can’t wait to hear from you, and begin the incredible journey of surrogacy together.