asking questions to a potential surrogate mother

Once intended parents have decided to start the surrogate journey, there are a lot of questions that come into play. Many simply want to know how to begin the process. But preparing with a list of questions to both ask surrogate agencies and potential surrogate mothers is ideal. For something so personal and life-changing, it’s important to go in knowing who you want to work with and if your values are aligned. So read on for the top five questions you should ask a potential surrogate. And prepare to learn what you might be asked in return! 

Top Five Questions to Ask a Potential Surrogate

Here are the top five questions any potential surrogate mother can anticipate being asked by intended parents and surrogacy agencies: 

1. Why did you decide to become a surrogate? 

Understanding a surrogate mother’s intentions are key. In exchange for bringing new life into a family’s home, it’s only appropriate that she be well-compensated. But if her only motivation is being paid, she might not be the right surrogate for you to work with. Look for surrogates who are eager to help families grow, perhaps because their own family life brings them joy. Also seek out surrogate mothers who have had healthy, happy pregnancies in the past and have decided to become surrogates because they know they are physically and emotionally able to. The surrogacy agency will perform medical and psychological evaluations, but it can still be reassuring to hear these answers from the surrogates themselves. 

2. Can you describe your daily routine? 

A healthy baby is the result of a healthy pregnancy. During most preliminary screenings, would-be surrogates who drink, smoke, or take drugs are eliminated from the process. But as intended parents, it’s normal to want to know more. Do they drink lots of caffeine, eat fast-food, and have multiple stressors? Do they eat a balanced diet, get regular exercise, and meet with supportive friends and family? What are their hobbies? Understanding their day-to-day routine will help you decide if you want to move forward with them as their match. 

3. How often would you like to be in touch throughout this process?

There is no right or wrong answer to this question. What matters is that their expectations align with yours. Some surrogates and intended parents speak or see each other regularly. Others only connect at medical appointments. If you want to be in close contact with a surrogate on a regular basis, you will need to agree on that beforehand. Likewise, if you don’t want continual updates, set that boundary from the start. This will save you both from any miscommunication throughout the process. 

4. Who do you have to support you? 

Many surrogacy agencies or even state legislatures require a surrogate’s spouse to approve. This is to ensure that she will be physically and emotionally supported. But you might also want to know if she has family and friends around to help her. Are there people who can run errands or be there should an emergency arise? Is she going to feel loved and cared for before and after the birth? Make sure she has plenty of support for the moments that you can’t always be there.  

5. Do you have any concerns we should know about? 

Although an agency will ask candidates about their physical and mental health, this is also a moment to have an open and honest conversation to build trust. Did they have any difficulties during previous pregnancies that they are worried about? Have they had recent health issues they are concerned about? Are there any upcoming life changes that they feel they should share? Again, there is no right or wrong answer here but this is an opportunity to build trust.

Best Questions to Ask Before Becoming a Surrogate Mother

For those exploring becoming a surrogate, there are many questions before getting started. They might include: 

  • How does surrogacy work? Understanding all the conditions before entering into an agreement is vital.
  • What are the reasons other women decide to become a surrogate? Knowing what has motivated successful surrogate mothers in the past might help make the decision easier for you!
  • What are the benefits and risks of becoming a surrogate? Make a list of pros and cons so you can make your decision fully informed.
  • How do I begin the surrogacy process? Knowing who to reach out to and what will be required of you is key.
  • How much are surrogates paid? This will be a life-changing journey for you. Make sure you are adequately compensated by exploring pay ranges ahead of time.
  • Are there out-of-pocket expenses? Although most of this will be covered in your agreement, make sure there’s room in your budget for any surprise out-of-pocket expenses.
  • What happens after the baby is born? Understand the process that happens on transfer day and after so you can be prepared.

What Are Psychological Evaluation Questions For Surrogates?

Psychological evaluations are crucial when it comes to assessing the suitability of surrogates. It ensures their mental and emotional well-being when it comes to facing the challenges associated with surrogacy. These evaluations involve a series of questions designed to delve into the surrogate’s psychological profile. One commonly employed tool is the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory (MMPI), a widely recognized assessment that gauges personality traits and psychopathology. Surrogates may be asked to respond to various statements or questions about their emotional stability, coping mechanisms, and overall mental health.

Additionally, the Personality Assessment Inventory (PAI) is another tool frequently used. The PAI assesses a broad range of mental health issues, including emotional functioning, interpersonal relationships, and stress tolerance. With the PAI, an agency can better understand her psychological makeup which enables them to make informed decisions about her ability to cope with surrogacy. These evaluations are instrumental in protecting her well-being and that of the intended parents.There is no failing these tests. It all comes down to suitability. 

What Questions Do Most Agencies Ask Surrogates? 

Surrogacy agencies typically ask a series of comprehensive questions so they can have a thorough understanding of their physical, emotional, and psychological readiness for the unique journey ahead. Common questions focus on a surrogate’s medical history, reproductive health, and obstetric background. These assess her eligibility for a healthy and successful pregnancy. Emotional well-being is also scrutinized through questions regarding personal motivations for becoming a surrogate, previous experiences with pregnancy and childbirth, and support systems in place. They often delve into lifestyle factors, such as the surrogate’s financial stability, living situation, and overall readiness for the commitments involved. These questions collectively help agencies match surrogates with intended parents based on compatibility.

Other Questions on the Surrogacy Journey

Be prepared for friends and family to want to know more about this life-changing process. Here are various questions you can expect throughout! 

What are Frequently Asked Questions on Surrogate Mothers?

Surrogate mothers and intended parents, be prepare for your loved ones to ask: 

  1. Is this traditional or gestational surrogacy? 
  2. How old do you have to be to become a surrogate? 
  3. Do surrogate mothers have families of their own? 
  4. What is the cost of surrogacy? 
  5. Is surrogacy legal?
  6. Is the baby related to the surrogate? 
  7. How much time do intended parents and surrogates spend with each other? 
  8. Can you be a surrogate for a friend or family member? 

 

What Questions Should You Ask A Surrogate Agency? 

Although they’ll ask you many questions, be prepared to ask them the following in return: 

  1. What do I need to do to become a surrogate for your agency? 
  2. What services do you provide?
  3. How do you match surrogates and intended parents?
  4. Do you provide counseling?
  5. What would you do if something unexpected happened during my pregnancy?
  6. What legal protection do you offer or ensure?
  7. What costs and compensation can I expect?
  8. Why should I work with your surrogacy agency?

 

What Questions Should You Ask Intended Parents?

Lastly, you’ll want to build a bond and better understanding with intended parents by asking the following:

  1. Can you tell me more about yourselves, like how long you’ve been together and what you do for a living? 
  2. Why did you decide to become intended parents and what are you expecting throughout this process? 
  3. Would you like to stay in contact after the baby is born? 
  4. What are your expectations throughout the medical process? How many transfers would you like to attempt and are you interested in twins? 
  5. How will you speak about this surrogacy process with your friends, family, and future child? 
  6. Do you have any specific expectations of me? Is there a certain diet you expect me to follow, for example? 
  7. Do you have any concerns you’d like to express? 

 

Choose Surrogacy Today 

Ready to start the process? Whether you’re considering becoming a surrogate or an intended parent ready,  fill out either a surrogate initial inquiry or an intended parent or parents initial inquiry to begin. We look forward to hearing from you and beginning this journey together

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