When considering surrogacy, many intended parents ponder whether using a friend or family member as a surrogate is a good choice. The answer is often yes, provided that thorough research and careful planning are undertaken. A friend offering to be a surrogate is an extraordinary gift, but this significant undertaking requires careful consideration.
Surrogacy is a complex process that can evoke a range of emotions. If you’re not fully prepared, it can strain relationships and lead to unforeseen complications. Therefore, it’s crucial to understand the surrogacy process fully before making any decisions. This guide will help you explore why intended parents and surrogate candidates must align on the surrogacy process, especially when they have a close personal relationship, and how this journey can impact your families.
Can I Be a Surrogate Mother for My Friend?
Yes, you can. Surrogacy laws vary by state, but generally, becoming a surrogate for a friend is allowed, especially in gestational surrogacy. As a surrogate, you will carry the baby for your friend or family member but will not have any legal ties to the child, as there is no biological connection. This arrangement can help alleviate some of the emotional complexities associated with surrogacy, especially with close friends and family.
Choosing to be a surrogate for a friend is an incredible gift, providing the ultimate joy of parenthood. For some couples, this path is preferable as it involves someone they know and trust. However, it’s essential to weigh the financial and emotional impacts before committing.
What to Expect as a Surrogate for a Friend
The surrogacy journey is lengthy and demanding, often lasting over a year. Understanding the full extent of this commitment is crucial for both intended parents and surrogates. Working with a reputable surrogacy agency can help navigate this process smoothly, ensuring that all parties are guided professionally through each step.
Basic Overview of the Surrogacy Process with a Friend:
- Research: Determine if surrogacy with a friend is the right choice by considering physical, emotional, and financial aspects.
- Choose an Agency: Find a surrogacy agency that aligns with everyone’s values.
- Screenings and Tests: Complete necessary medical and psychological screenings.
- Compensation Agreement: Determine how compensation will work.
- Legal Contracts: Work with attorneys to create a legal contract covering all contingencies.
- IVF and Embryo Transfer: Begin the in-vitro fertilization and embryo transfer process.
- Pre-birth Order: Depending on state laws, intended parents may obtain a pre-birth order during the second trimester.
- Pregnancy and Delivery: Continue pregnancy to term, attending all required doctor appointments.
- Birth and Aftercare: Follow through with delivery and any stipulated aftercare.
The Surrogacy Journey: Detailed Insights
Being a gestational carrier for a friend differs significantly from carrying your own child. The pregnancy involves more medical procedures, legal contracts, background checks, and psychological screenings. Frequent doctor appointments and potential high-risk pregnancy scenarios might require taking time off work and arranging additional childcare.
The baby carried is not yours, meaning prenatal care and other aspects of the pregnancy will involve the intended parents’ preferences. Navigating these differences can be challenging, especially with friends.
Medical Procedures and Commitment
Understanding the medical procedures involved in surrogacy, especially in vitro fertilization (IVF), is crucial. All parties should be fully versed in the treatment process and its impacts. Additionally, surrogates must attend frequent medical appointments and undergo various tests, making the commitment substantial.
Can I Be a Surrogate for a Friend If I’ve Never Been Pregnant?
In gestational surrogacy, having experienced a prior pregnancy is essential. Surrogacy involves high stakes, and having no prior pregnancy history presents too many unknowns and risks. Most agencies and fertility clinics will not consider candidates who haven’t given birth before.
Requirements for Being a Surrogate for a Friend
Even if your surrogate is a friend or family member, they must meet specific requirements. And while every fertility clinic and surrogacy agency will have a slightly different checklist, these are the current requirements for Surrogacy By Faith – which align with the qualifications of most agencies and IVF clinics, across the board.
- Age: Between 21-37 years old.
- Health: Non-smoker, excellent health, with a healthy BMI. (Calculate your BMI here).
- Reproductive History: At least one successful pregnancy and birth.
- Financial Stability: Not receiving state or federal financial aid.
- Screenings: Psychological and medical screenings, drug tests, and background checks.
These requirements ensure that the surrogate can handle the medical and emotional aspects of surrogacy.
Working with an Agency
While it’s technically possible to proceed without an agency, it’s not advisable. An experienced agency can navigate the legal, emotional, physical, and financial challenges of surrogacy, ensuring a smoother process. Agencies provide invaluable expertise, coordination, and support throughout the surrogacy journey.
Legal Aspects of Surrogacy
Surrogacy requires legal guidance to create binding contracts that cover all potential outcomes and challenges. Surrogacy laws also vary greatly from state to state: some states are considered “surrogacy friendly,” while others are not. Having a legal contract is crucial for protecting all parties involved. Most fertility clinics won’t proceed without a legal contract in place, making it essential for a seamless experience.
How Much Is Surrogacy If You Use A Friend?
Many intended parents might ask themselves the question: how much is surrogacy if you use a friend? Well, one of the advantages of choosing a friend to be a surrogate, is that it can lower the intended parents’ overall surrogacy costs. As IPs, you won’t have to pay for an agency’s matching services, and you’ll already be familiar with the character and personality of your surrogate candidate. And, if you and your friend decide she wants to be an altruistic surrogate, you won’t necessarily have to cover surrogate compensation nor benefits.
Intended parents would, however, still be responsible for the cost of IVF, the surrogacy agency’s fee for handling the process, the attorney fees for drawing up the contract, and any doctor/medical expenses that occur during the pregnancy, birth, delivery, and possible aftercare.
While this might initially seem like a good idea and a smart way to reduce expenses, it’s important to consider some of the issues that can arise during an altruistic surrogacy.
Cost of Surrogacy with a Friend
Using a friend as a surrogate can reduce some costs, as you won’t need to pay for matching services, and you might opt for altruistic surrogacy where the surrogate forgoes compensation. However, intended parents are still responsible for IVF costs, agency fees, legal fees, and medical expenses.
Altruistic Surrogacy vs. Fair Compensation
Altruistic Surrogacy
This involves the surrogate not receiving financial compensation beyond medical expenses. While this can reduce costs, it may lead to feelings of indebtedness and strain the friendship.
Fair Compensation
This ensures the surrogate is rewarded for her time, effort, and sacrifice. This arrangement can prevent feelings of resentment and ensure that both parties feel appreciated.
Emotional Considerations
Surrogacy can test relationships in unforeseen ways. With a friend, differences of opinion on lifestyle choices or pregnancy decisions can become more personal and challenging to navigate. Discussing these emotional considerations upfront and with the help of a surrogacy agency can help ensure alignment and readiness for the journey.
Privacy Concerns
Pregnancy is a personal experience, and sharing it with friends who are the intended parents can be complex. Discuss how involved the intended parents will be in doctor appointments and delivery, and ensure all parties are comfortable with these arrangements.
Is Becoming a Surrogate for a Friend Right for You?
Being a gestational carrier is a significant and involved process. It’s essential to consider all aspects carefully before making a commitment. If you decide the personal sacrifice is too high, it’s better to step back than to proceed and risk harming the relationship or causing heartache.
Get Expert Advice From Surrogacy By Faith
Surrogacy is a complicated process that benefits from expert guidance to navigate legal, medical, and emotional challenges. Surrogacy By Faith, a Christian agency, is dedicated to helping families grow through surrogacy. With experienced surrogacy professionals, we provide the support and knowledge needed for a successful surrogacy journey, especially with a friend.
Our relationship-based approach ensures personalized guidance and support, making us uniquely qualified to help you navigate this path. We uphold strong family values and provide a compassionate, knowledgeable team to assist you every step of the way.
Surrogacy with a friend can be a beautiful and fulfilling journey when approached with care, preparation, and professional support. By understanding the process, requirements, and potential challenges, you can make informed decisions that honor your relationship and the incredible gift of surrogacy. Contact Surrogacy By Faith to begin your surrogacy journey with a friend today!