In surrogacy, intended parents are individuals or couples who long to build a family but are unable to carry a pregnancy on their own. (If you’d like to learn more, see our guide on Who Are Intended Parents?). They may be hopeful mothers and fathers facing medical challenges or single parents pursuing parenthood through assisted reproduction.
Finding the right match between surrogate and intended parents is one of the most important steps in the surrogacy process. For intended parents, this relationship carries the hope and trust of finally becoming parents. For surrogates, it requires confidence, comfort, and a deep sense of shared purpose.This blog explores the key characteristics surrogates should look for in intended parents, helping ensure that the partnership feels supportive, safe, and fulfilling for everyone involved.
Shared Values and Beliefs
One of the strongest foundations for a healthy surrogate–intended parent relationship is shared values.
When surrogates and intended parents align on beliefs, intentions, and life priorities, it creates a sense of mutual trust. This alignment doesn’t mean both parties need to share identical lifestyles or religious traditions, but rather that there’s respect and understanding around important topics.
For example:
- If faith or spirituality is important to the surrogate, finding intended parents who honor and respect that can foster a stronger bond.
- If intended parents value open adoption-like transparency with their child about their surrogacy story, it’s important for the surrogate to feel comfortable with that approach.
- If both parties believe in prioritizing compassion, respect, and gratitude, the relationship will feel smoother and more collaborative.
When values align, surrogates often describe the surrogacy experience as more fulfilling, even joyful. Everyone approaches the journey with a shared sense of purpose: welcoming a baby into the world in an environment built on love and respect.
Learn more in our guide on How to Match with Intended Parents with the Same Values.
Emotional and Financial Preparedness
Intended parents must be ready for both the emotional and financial realities of surrogacy.
Emotional readiness
Surrogacy can be a long, emotional journey, filled with both excitement and challenges. Intended parents may have already experienced infertility struggles, miscarriages, or years of waiting. For a successful partnership, they should enter the process with:
- A sense of healing and acceptance of past hardships.
- Realistic expectations about the surrogacy process.
- A willingness to handle unexpected obstacles with patience and grace.
Emotionally prepared intended parents often demonstrate empathy and gratitude toward their surrogate, which helps strengthen the bond throughout the pregnancy.
Financial preparedness
Surrogacy is a significant financial commitment. Intended parents who are financially stable show they are truly prepared to support every step of the journey—medical procedures, legal contracts, compensation, and post-birth arrangements.
Agencies typically conduct screenings to confirm both emotional and financial readiness before a match is made. This ensures that surrogates can feel secure, knowing their intended parents are stable and committed.
Respectful Communication
Strong communication is the backbone of any surrogacy partnership. Surrogates should look for intended parents who are willing to communicate openly, honestly, and respectfully.
Healthy communication involves:
- Discussing expectations: How often would they like pregnancy updates? Do they want to attend doctor’s appointments? What level of involvement feels comfortable for both parties?
- Listening actively: Intended parents should listen to the surrogate’s needs and concerns with compassion.
- Respecting boundaries: Surrogates deserve space for their own family life, privacy, and autonomy. Intended parents who recognize this create an atmosphere of mutual respect.
When communication is consistent and respectful, small misunderstandings are less likely to escalate. Instead, both sides can focus on celebrating milestones and preparing for the baby’s arrival together.
Trust and Transparency
Trust is one of the most valuable characteristics to look for in intended parents. Surrogates want to know that their intended parents will be honest, open, and transparent throughout the entire process.
This includes:
- Sharing their hopes and expectations early on.
- Being forthcoming about how they envision their role during the pregnancy.
- Remaining open about their emotions, even when the journey feels difficult.
Transparency also extends to life after birth. Some intended parents want ongoing communication with their surrogate, while others prefer a more private transition. Surrogates deserve clarity on these expectations so they can make informed choices about the matching process.
When openness is prioritized, the relationship feels safe and supportive. Both surrogate and intended parents can trust that they are working toward the same goal in harmony.
Partnership and Mutual Respect
Surrogacy works best when both parties view each other as teammates. Intended parents who embody this mindset recognize that the surrogate is not simply carrying a pregnancy, but actively partnering in bringing their child into the world.
Signs of mutual respect include:
- Recognizing the surrogate’s right to make decisions about her health.
- Appreciating the sacrifices involved—physical, emotional, and time-related.
- Including the surrogate in celebrations and joyful milestones, such as ultrasounds or gender reveals, if she is comfortable.
When mutual respect is present, surrogates often describe the journey as one filled with gratitude and shared joy. Intended parents and surrogates can look back and see not only the birth of a child but the creation of a meaningful relationship.
Connection and Compatibility
Sometimes the strongest matches come down to a gut feeling. Beyond practical considerations, surrogates should look for a natural sense of comfort and ease when speaking with intended parents.
Compatibility may show up in shared personality traits, similar lifestyles, or even just a natural sense of humor during conversations. While values, readiness, and respect are essential, that intangible feeling of connection is often what makes the journey feel extraordinary.
A surrogate should feel she can trust her instincts. If a conversation with intended parents feels warm, reassuring, and genuine, that’s often a sign of compatibility worth pursuing.
Questions Surrogates Can Ask Intended Parents
To better understand if intended parents are the right match, surrogates can prepare thoughtful questions such as:
- How do you envision communication during the pregnancy?
This reveals how involved they’d like to be and whether their expectations align with the surrogate’s comfort level. - How will you share your child’s surrogacy story with them?
Their answer shows their values around openness and how they plan to honor the surrogate’s role. - What values are most important to your family?
This provides insight into compatibility on beliefs and life priorities. - Who will support you during this journey?
It’s helpful to know whether intended parents have strong emotional support systems, such as family or friends, to lean on.
By asking these questions, surrogates gain a clearer understanding of whether the relationship feels balanced, supportive, and aligned. Learn more in our guide on What Questions to Ask Intended Parents.
Make Your Match At Surrogacy By Faith
At Surrogacy by Faith, we believe that the best surrogacy journeys begin with a meaningful match. Surrogates deserve intended parents who are emotionally prepared, financially stable, communicative, respectful, and transparent.
We encourage surrogates to trust their instincts, while also leaning on the guidance of experienced agency staff who can help identify the best possible match. If you’re considering becoming a surrogate, we invite you to explore our resources and learn more about the intended parents we serve. If you’re interested in becoming a surrogate or pursuing parenthood through surrogacy, fill out our surrogate form or intended parent form today.Together, we can create a partnership built on compassion, respect, and shared joy.